Leave me alone

I just stumbled upon a blog of a woman that I kind of used to know. I saw her comment on a different blog and I got to wondering what she was up to. I was poking around and saw we had totally different political views. *shrug* Totally different religious views. *shrug* I went to a section entitled "Rantings of a Bad Mom." It was a tongue in cheek tribute to, uh, well....herself.

She openly mocked mothers that read parenting books, followed OB and pediatrician advice, ate carefully, gave up caffeine, whose kids had a bedtime, had medical interventions during labor, joined a playgroup, bought a Baby Einstein video, didn't co-sleep, choose not to give their kids sugar, pureed their baby's food, etc, etc. She pretty much held in contempt any woman who made a decision that she hadn't made with her kids. These mothers were called "uneducated bandwagon mentality people on internet message boards." She's charming, no?

Normally I could brush all this off, but it really got me tonight. How dare she? How dare she judge women that attempt to do their best? Women that pour over books (like me) to look for answers, theories and thoughts *gasp* outside of ourselves? This learning is somehow ridiculous. Women that turn to other mothers for support in the form of a playgroup are weak? Women that choose to eat healthy while pregnant are foolish? I'm just amazed.

There are many ways that you can discuss your beliefs and passions without ridiculing millions of hard working mothers. She somehow missed each and everyone of them. As did her brown-nosing minions in her comment section.

Maybe this bothered me so much because I have felt this harsh, undeserved judgment. I felt it when I chose to give my tiny son avocado at 4.5 months in a desperate attempt to get him to gain weight. I felt this judgment when I chose to leave my son just as perfect as he was born and not circumcise him. I feel this judgment now when my very exuberant and energy-packed almost two-year-old can't quite make it through dinner at a restaurant.

Alfie Kohn mentioned in Unconditional Parenting (awesome book for any of you idiots looking to better yourself or expand your thinking) that our society isn't friendly to kids, the whole "kids should be seen and not heard" mentality is really pervasive in our culture. I totally agree, but I think our culture is even harsher on moms.

Little dude is a vegetarian and I have been told that I am depriving him. (This is particularly confusing for people that first comment on how healthy/vigorous/or tall he is before finding out. Then they have no where to find fault because he's obviously thriving). I chose to not use bottles and sippies with BPA and I was told that I was being overprotective. I buy organic when I can and I am told that I am wasting my money. Starting at about 6 months people were asking when I was going to wean, you should have seen the looks I got when I said, "when we are done." We skipped the rice cereal and were told that we were doing things wrong. Oh, and the pacifier. Don't get me started on that pacifier. He is not 40, people. He is ONE.

Most of the time I feel like I walk around with a massive target on me that reads: "Hey, ask me about my parenting."

But I swear, I checked and there isn't one. I asked Trey too, and he can't see one either.

I just wish we had a culture where mothers and children were lifted up instead of being torn down continually (I feel like this as an educator too, but that's quite another story). Where I could look to my fellow mother and feel support and kinship and maybe even love. Love for this shared journey we are on and empathy for the difficult task we have all chosen to undertake.