|I pink puffy heart this shirt.|
1. Daniel is starting kindergarten this year.
I have decided to take him with me to my school. It is an entirely different school district and locally it is known as one of the rougher ones. People keep making a big deal out of it when I say that he is coming to my school. I'm sure our neighborhood school is perfectly lovely, but I know these teachers and staff and they are amazing people. I have every confidence that he will flourish there. It is very telling to me when people comment on how different the kids are and am I really sure I want him exposed to all that? Like I believe for a second that more money = better kids.
I hope to come to a conclusion on the whole baby thing. Trey and I had a talk last week and we aren't even sure that we should have another one. One part is fear. I know it is silly (I tell myself it is anyway), but I conceived a baby with major chromosomal abnormalities at 23. I was so young. I am 31 now. My chances are significantly higher, even higher than a regular 31-year-old. It is scary. The second part is comfort. We are all happy and comfortable where we are now. Do I want to uproot all of that? I know we'd find a new normal and I would love a baby with everything I have, but change is hard. There is this lingering want that I can't analyze no matter how hard I try. We haven't made any decisions. I don't even know if we are leaning one way or another. I'm just waiting for the answer to come.
3. I am going to sew for ME!
I rarely do. The last clothing I can remember making myself was before D was born. Seriously sad.
|forgive the super HQ Instagram pic|
I am so excited to be taking up quilting. I got an awesome quilting book from my grandma for Christmas. Trey has volunteered to be my first victim. He even went to the store and picked out and bought his own fabric. Cute. He grew up with a family that was into quilting, so he really loves the thought of me making them.
I really love the thought of getting rid of about half of what we own. We live in a small house and we may very well live here for a long time. We took seven bags and two boxes to Goodwill yesterday. It was awesome.
6. Read more.
I read a lot, but I could read so much more. I need to carve out the time for it. I failed my reading goals last year.
This year will mark 7 years since we lost our daughter. It makes me sad that it happened so long ago. Like the further we get from it, the more I am supposed to be "over it." I'm not. The tears still come so easily. I wonder if that will ever change.
8. Avoiding things that annoy the crap out of me.
This means I am going to have to completely stop reading comments on news articles and YouTube videos. The lowest form of humanity gathers in comment sections across the web and they all attempt to out-asshole each other. They breed little hate babies which grow and consume humanity, dignity, and all sense of decency. Eventually the comments degrade so that they are a series of grunts and words like "meh," "lulz," and "heh." It is no good my friends. Stay away.
|Yes, that is a pink elephant. Be jealous!|
9. We have started a "good memories" jar.
We don't have to write every day, just when we feel compelled. We plan to read them next New Years Eve.
10. My job
I love my job and I am doing it well, but I really want to take it even further. I am not happy with simply doing my job, I need to rock it. I have lots of ideas in the works.
11. Being a better parent
I've never been a bad parent. When he was small I could draw my patience from this seemingly endless well. Most of what he did I found completely amusing. I laughed a lot. Now I don't have as much patience. It could be his developmental stage in life, or it could be me, but it is probably a combination.
12. Raising an introvert
Daniel is a fantastic human being. I'm proud to be his mom. I came to a realization recently, he is a lot like me. He does things I remember doing. My mom even said to me on Halloween when I was lamenting about how shy he was and how it can be embarrassing sometimes, "Honey, he is you." This means he is an introvert. This isn't a bad thing, but it is something that I feared he would be. I know from experience that it is hard to be an introvert in a world that respects and rewards extroversion. The least I can do is to help him understand what he is feeling and give him a safe harbor that he will crave. I just need to go ahead and get over the weird looks I get when new people want to talk to him and he can't/won't talk back. He has to assess the situation and feel comfortable before chatting you up about Minecraft, The Avengers, or his sweet ninja skills, so go ahead and get out of his face. This also means he is thoughtful, observant, and really imaginative.
13. Word for the year
I have decided to have a one word reflection for the year. Something to think about if I am troubled or need guidance. I have been batting a few ideas around in my brain like simplify, patience, tranquility, all these lovely words, but then it struck me: embrace. Not too flashy, but it works. I want to embrace this new year, changes, decisions, projects, or milestones. It is all about going easier on myself too. Embrace me and who I am and what that means. Physical embraces are good too. Hugs are good for the soul!